Easter Games

A few years back, my good friend Aleehsha, for whom my stupendous slideshow was created (see sidebar), was teaching children's Sunday School at our church. Well, Easter Sunday was fast approaching and she was looking for some ideas for the children. She sent out an email asking if anybody knew of any Easter games. Knowing that she had a huge crush on me (she has a thing for monsters), I felt compelled to share some of my brilliant ideas:

1. You could play a game called Pocket-Egg. The kids put raw eggs in their pockets and tumble around with each other. The last child with intact eggs in his pocket wins the game.

2. This game is called Convulsions. You feed all the kids sugar-coated marshmallows until they are shaking violently. The last kid who can write his name legibly wins the game.

3. We'll call this one Easter Grass. Roll up Easter Grass into cigarette paper. Have the children try to smoke one. When they hack and choke violently, say "This is what happens when you try to smoke grass. Jesus does not want you smoking grass on Easter."

4. This is a game called Malted Milk Ball Bombardment. Um, choose one child to be in the mush pot. All the other children throw Malted Milk Balls at him until he cries. Explain how chocolate is bad for you.

5. Let's call this one Caring For Bunnies. Bring 8 live bunnies to class. Put them all in the crib and let them "get to know one another". This can be used as a lesson for sexual responsibility.

6. This one's called The Easter Egg Of Great Price. Pass out chocolate eggs to all the children. Then have them give the eggs back to you and ask the children to leave the room. While they are gone, eat all of the eggs. When they come back in the room, tell them to look and try and find their eggs. Blend into a lesson of the parable about the pearl of great price. When they can't find their eggs, point out how valuable the eggs seem now that they're missing.

7. This is a twist on Easter Egg decorating. Instead of using vinegar and food coloring, have the kids decorate their eggs using colored pencils. If any of the kids crack the shells, make them start over with a new egg. This can be a lesson on patience. (Be sure to keep those pencils sharp.)

8. This is called The Empty Tomb. Give all the children hollow chocolate Easter bunnies. Have them eat the heads off of the bunny. Explain how now it resembles the empty tomb of Jesus. Don't let them eat any more, because you wouldn't eat the empty grave, would you?

9. A Special Easter Egg Hunt. Tell the kids there's going to be an Easter Egg hunt. Hide about 20 Easter Eggs, but coat each one thoroughly with Vaseline. When the children find the eggs and recoil in surprise, explain how things that seem good at the time are often bad for us. (Premarital sex, fried foods, beer, etc.)

10. Another Special Easter Egg Hunt. Have the kids leave the room and hide a bunch of Easter eggs for them. Only when you hide them, make sure they are a little bit too high for any of the kids to reach. Pretend to find a few yourself and act delighted. Explain how when they get older they will reach higher levels of spiritual maturity. Be sure to console them with "Maybe next year when you're taller".

11. This game is called Exhaustion. Have the kids do wind sprints up and down the hall for the entire hour. This has nothing to do with Easter, but it should make the class easier on you.

12. Early Risers. Have all the kids take a nap as soon as they get there. As soon as each child falls asleep, shake him and wake him up violently. Tell him that this is how Jesus must have felt when he arose from the dead.

13. Buy about 40 boxes of Peeps. Before the children arrive, wad them all up into a great big marshmallow ball. The kids can kick this around and play soccer with it, or whatever games they feel like. At the end of the hour, whoever won the soccer game gets to take the marshmallow ball home as a prize. Tell the parents how they don't have to worry about the Easter dinner dessert.

14. Give each child an unwrapped chocolate bunny when he comes to class. Tell him or her it is their job to care for the bunny all day long on Easter. This will be a lesson on caring for those in need. Tell them that Jesus will be sad if the bunny melts, or breaks, or any part of it gets eaten.

19. Have the children sit around and eat chocolate for the first half an hour. After 30 minutes, pour a single glass of chilled milk. Set it in the middle of the table. Read the story of the woman caught in adultery who was brought before Jesus to be stoned. When finished, say "Whosoever is without sin, let them come forward and drink the chilled milk." Then go ahead and drink it yourself.