the lorax
posted by Brent @ Wednesday, December 07, 2005
8 comments
One Voice Was Heard
I'm Grover. I rock. I'm blue. And adorable. I'm freakin' smart. Deceptively handsome. I'm a babe magnet. And I'm a monster. I'm also a remarkable chef, collector of oddly shaped twigs, tiny santas, and tiny cruets. I live with my adoptive human parents Gruntley and Bunny (known to their human friends as Brent and Shari). I grew up in Monsterville, which is in Illinois of course. Through SMAP (Special Monster Adoption Program), I came to live here in Southern California a number of years ago. I have 43 brothers and sisters, many of whom live with me here. Someday soon, we expect to all be reunited at which time we will pretty much take over the house. The story of this blog is simple -- my sparkling wit, unparalleled genius and delightfully whimsical nature are all too precious of gifts not to share with the rest of humanity -- oh, and monsterhood too. Please feel free to read through my blog and leave any comments that you wish (except anything negative or remotely critical). Also, if you have anything really stupid to say, you might as well keep that to yourself too. If you are lucky, I may take the time to write back. Huhrubababubb -- Out!
8 Comments:
Well, now you're just adding my name to lists for the hell of it.
THAT DOESN'T COUNT! CHEATER! BOOOO!
*sniff*
So let me get this straight. You're saying it would be perfectly normal to have seen you in the Manger scene with the baby Jesus?
Just checking . . .
Hey- I'll have you know that as a 3 year old, I forced my brother to be 'Jesus' for nearly all of December, while I played 'Mary' in a little play... thingy... that I made up. I'm told it was very good for the first few days, afterwhich it got a tad, um, old.
Regardless, YES, that is what I'm saying. So ha!
PS: I also made up a kickass song about unicorns that year. I'm told it went something like this- "The uuuuuuunnnnnicoorn *foot stomp here* went fllyyyyyyying *double foot stomp* Overrrrr to meeee, and then the uuuuuunnnicooorn *foot stomp* and I flewwwww oooooofff toooooogetherrrrr" Repeat times 10.
Gah, I am just SO INCREDIBLY TALENTED...
PS: I know Gruntley has been grumpy lately. Trust me- even I, Linds, beloved by all of mankind, have felt the rasp of his emotional abuse these past few days. And it saddens me. I worry for you, and your cute dimply butt.
Now, I'm not saying you should call the monster abuse hotline... but it can be tough, facing the reality of an abusive human family all on your own. And if Gruntley has been putting you in your punishment bag every day all day, or throwing you across the room, or not letting you go on random trips to Alaska... well, I really think that you should talk to someone about it.
Someone like Elmo. I know, I KNOW you don't like Elmo very much. But he's a very politically active monster, and a good resource for monster law... plus, he's rich. He could totally put you up in a penthouse while you await the pending litigation in monster court- and with his connections with Sesame Street, we could TOTALLY get that contract of yours revamped and resigned, and then its bye bye Gruntley and hello sex-starved monster fangirls!
Now, now. Don't worry. I promise, we'll get you to a safehouse where Gruntley can't scream at you anymore, or threaten to disown your brothers in a fit of pique- no, we'll get you safe, and then we'll find you a family where the members don't get all 'punchy' when they're sick, and lash out at their loved ones. *sob* A monster with a cute dimply little butt like yours just shouldn't have to go through things like this! The horror! THE HORROR!
Dear Linds :
Thank you for your concern, although I think I can handle sick annoying gruntley on my own. You know what's funny? Watching him scour the place for his precious cough drops and cold medicine, when if he asked I would be happy to tell them that I flushed it all. Cheap entertainment : watching a entire bonus pack of Alka-Selter plus cold medicine fizzle away in the crapper.
Also - I would like to hear more about these sex-starved monster fan girls. Where can I meet some of them? Are you one? I was a little unclear about that from your post.
Also - you are absolutley correct that having a cute dimply but SHOULD be a first class ticket to an abuse free existence... and loads of free nachos as well. I have yet to see either.
Finally - we ALL DEMAND an audio post of the unicorn song... please ensure that the foot stomps are audible as well.
Love,
G
ROFLMAO!
Grumpy is not the same as punchy, my dear Linds. My husband has not been grumpy, but he's been extremely punchy. He gets all funny-pissy when he's sick, like he's not going to take crap from anyone (HA! It's ALL an act!). It's pretty cute, actually. Not as cute as Grover's dimply butt, but almost.
I love the part about the sex-starved monster fangirls. I KNOW you're one of those. Hee.
I gotta come back here tomorrow and reread this when I'm more awake.
*sniff*
I will have you know that according to dictionary.com, synonyms for 'punchy' are as follows:
1) Crotchety
2) Volatile
3) Agog
4) Mercurial
Thus, it is safe to stipulate that 'grumpy' and 'punchy' could, in fact, be more similar an emotion than not.
*does a little 'I'm riiiight and youuuu're wronnnng' dance*
PS: if you think that ANYTHING I write is funnier (or more understandable) when you're awake/sober/actually paying attention... well, you might need to have a little talk with grumpy gruntley over there. He'll set you straight.
PSS: No, I am not a sex-starved monster fangirl. But I know some, and could totally hook you up.
PSSS: There will be no audio. In fact, that comment never even took place.
PSSSS: Ok, I gotta admit I laughed my head off at the mental vision of Gruntley 'helping' Grover flush his own medication down the toilet, and then chastising him for it. I totally need more sleep. If that guy would just STOP DRILLING IN THE HALLWAY, maybe I'd get some. Argh.
Okay, now we need an audio post of the unicorn song and a video post of the 'I'm riiiight and youuuu're wronnnng' dance. In fact, I would give a million dollars to see Linds doing the 'I'm riiiight and youuuu're wronnnng' dance WHILE singing the unicorn song. LMAO!!
I know I've said this before, but you and Grover are VERY alike. Seriously. You're both grumpy, punchy brats. Now go away. Why don't you go and talk to your little Foyer Doll? I think she probably likes you better than I do for CONSTANTLY finding crap on the internet that "proves" that I'm wrong. Stop doing that.
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