Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Things that I have scored


To all of my Internet babes...aka: "The G-Force"

Thank you all very kindly for the gifts that you have all lavishly bestowed upon little furry ol’ Grover. For those of you keeping score at home, please note that I have received (so far):

1) One magnificent pair of handcrafted Italian shoes.... ok well maybe not so much Italian as "Midwestern," but you get the idea. Linds has really outdone herself this time. I think I will NEVER take them off. Please note the careful attention to detail and the very practical non-skid soles on the bottom. This will come in handy when Gruntley is chasing me around the house (on the new slippy wood floors) for "borrowing" his toothbrush when he is getting ready for work in the morning. What a putz.

2) Two packages of pop-rocks. I believe that these are the difficult to locate Danish imports; clearly CarlyCue has some serious connections. I am planning on eating ALL of them in single mouthful. I think that the next thing that Carly should buy me is from abercrombie.... some kind of hoodie or something.**

3) A lemonade Capri-Sun drink and a box of raisins. This is from my good buddy Mary-Moo. I felt pretty lucky to score the lemonade, because to be honest I was actually expecting asparagus juice or something like that. Clearly she adores me.

4) A handmade necklace from my bestest buddy Alison (Mary's girl). No you don't even have to ask - I have not taken it off a single time since she brought it over. Don't I look simply smashing in it? Back off girls...

5) Two, count them TWO love letters from Linds and CarlyCue. I feel I must respect their privacy and not share the actual contents here on my blog ... kids may read this you know. All I can say is - wow Carly, I mean we all like marshmallows, but isn't that a little over the top? (she will know what I am talking about). By the way, each of you has simply delightful handwriting. Did you take a special penmanship course just in preparation of your note to me?

6) A picture of my butt with Linds' lipstick on it. Enough said.

7) An autographed picture of Linds, on which she clearly mistakenly wrote "To Shari and Brent" (instead of "To my adorable blue ragamuffin Grover"). She says it may be worth money someday... I think she may be correct. How much do you think I could get on eBay someday for a picture of the first attorney in the history of the United States to be disbarred for unrepentant sarcasm? Can't you just see it:

Judge: "Counselor, please approach the bench."

Attorney Linds: "I'll tell you what. Why don't you mix in a little mouthwash and do something with your "hair" besides combing your five or six remaining strands over your bald spot, which let's face it, really is more of a bald prairie. Clean your circa 1985 Sears discount glasses with the specs of dried Corn Flake milk still evident, trim your nose shrub....er... hair, and feel free to at least PRETEND to be thinking about this trial more than your mulling over the soggy egg-salad sandwich that Mildred packed you for lunch AGAIN. Once you get all that worked out, you let me know and I'll consider approaching the bench. Sheesh. Thank You."

Judge: *stares blankly in disbelief*

Attorney Linds: "Did you hear what I said Milty...?"

Judge: "Bailiff, lock her up."

Anyway ... yeah I suppose it could be worth some money someday.

Also, please note the functional, yet fashionable space helmet which I am wearing. I cannot really explain why I have it on... other than to say secret mission, hot babes, and alien combat.... oh, and Lincoln Logs (have I given it away?).

So to summarize:

a) Thank you all for the presents.
b) You all rock, almost as much as me.
c) Keep ‘em coming.

Love to all,

G-Funk

** This is an inside joke between my bestest buddy CarlyCue and I, it is VERY funny if you happen to be privileged enough to understand it.

6 Comments:

At Wednesday, January 11, 2006 12:03:00 AM, Anonymous G-Force #1 said...

*ahem*

I believe there was ALSO a picture of Princess Slappy included, which was somehow accidentally obscured here in this picture... over there behind my eye? Just to point it out. In case others are interested.

*cough*Jacquee*cough*

Anyhoo, yes, my presents ARE kickass, thank you. Keep this up and you may even get those socks before 2020. Oh, and the whole disbarrment for sarcasm thing... that only happens to the UGLY sarcastic Skirts. We hot babes get off scott free, as long as we're careful to wear tasteful but clingy clothing for the rest of the trial.

PS: That WAS my good handwriting- the one I use when I'm actually taking time to make it decipherable to the human eye. Otherwise its just one long scribble with intermittent slashes and dots, which I can read (thanks to years of practice), but which no one else is quite willing to recognize as a representation of the English language...

Lipstick kisses,
Linds

 
At Wednesday, January 11, 2006 12:56:00 PM, Blogger Carly said...

G-Funk~

Ok, so am I your "bestest buddy" or is Alison?! Make up your mind!

Uh, yes, those are the Danish import Pop-Rocks...I fought tooth and nail for those. SAVOR THEM. If you eat them all in one mouthful, I guarantee you will feel like your brain is popping for the next month and a half. If that appeals to you, then go for it!

Be sure to do your research before blatantly lying about marshmallows. I don't LIKE marshmallows! Unless it's marshmallow FLUFF that is spread all over your hot blue body...

Do I REALLY have to shop at Abercrombie? I hate that place because it's their policy to only hire exceptionally good-looking people and I think that's a travesty.

Love and Coke~
CarlyCue

PS: Unlike Linds, I ALWAYS have good penmanship.

PPS: LOL! The "verification word" is "ptvrt"--blogger must think Mary is posting right now or something.

 
At Saturday, January 14, 2006 10:10:00 AM, Blogger Mary said...

Mary IS posting right now. ;P

Grover, this was a lovely post. And I feel so special to be one of the few people who read your blog who can actually come over and see all the gifts in person as you marvel in them.
LOL at the hoodie comment, oh my.
And I know why you REALLY have that space helmet on!

Love and Asparagus Juice,
Mary

 
At Monday, January 16, 2006 6:22:00 PM, Blogger Jonathan said...

Gag me with a spoon. (Yes, yes I am secretly jealous that I don't have a harem of girls sending me pop rocks.) But still, gag me!

 
At Thursday, January 19, 2006 3:30:00 PM, Blogger Mary said...

LMAO at Jonathan!

 
At Tuesday, February 14, 2006 5:40:00 PM, Blogger Linds said...

I think Grover should have a Johari square. Just to, you know, mention that...

 

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